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Monday, 30 August 2010

Oh **** the flowers in Swansea

I have no idea why some of those words came me to at 2am this morning while sleeping and other I definitely do. However these are the words that came into my mind as I was suddenly woken up!!! I realised I was passing wind three times uncontrollably in bed. Not a major problem for someone at home, but a huge problem form me at the moment who can’t go for a wee without having a secret attack from the other end!

I jumped up (as quickly as I could, realising what I might have just done), turned the light on above my bed, the call buzzer went off, I’m not sure if that was me or not so tried cancelling it, I didn’t want someone walking into my room with me on all fours pointing my bum at the door stretching over to start flashing lights and say look at what I have done! So it quickly went off (if it was more or not, took no chances). Got out of bed trying to discover as I walk if my bum was wet or was it the cream they gave me to stop it being sore because of the sandpaper tissue. Moved delicately to my cupboard where I store my extra underpants (worn especially for hospital by the way – just in case of emergencies like this). Make my way to the toilet and dropped and checked as you do …….

…. I was like a little boy again, I wanted to shout out ‘Mummy’' I’ve been a good boy and I haven’t pood in pants! (not sure if I said that out aloud or not)  Did the usual checks again and when back to bed a happy boy.

So where did the Swansea bit come into it I have no idea, but I new one things….

4am …. The flowers have arrived…

Yes sure enough I woke up again with the same stupid thought of Swansea in my head and this time my stomach was rumbling like mad. Taking no chances this time, up and to the look. This was not a practice run.

Made it ok,  it’s a good job loo’s are reinforced, the flowers were arriving complete with the fertilizer they were stored in.

I wonder if the vegetable soup came from Swansea and contained cauliflower?


  1. I'm coming out in sympathy - I've been getting flowers from Swansea too over the weekend and a bunch from further up north. Except mine's not green this time! ;D

  2. explain flowers, swansea ? huh ? but its nice to know you still have an epic sense of humor and still slightly sick in your descriptions whilst going through it =D